As of today, Jonathan is officially being unschooled. He’s only 5 so that means that the days will be spent exploring and playing. I have so much to learn about how to just be with him and follow his interests, but I’m really excited and ready for the journey. The process of getting to this decision has been tough, mainly because holding witness to the difficulties that Jonathan suffered in school is painful as his parent. He struggles with so many things, but it’s time that we change the environment for him so that instead of seeing him as struggling or “special needs”, we can focus on how truly gifted and special he is. It’s all about the context in which something is viewed. It’s time to allow this big Ray of Sunshine to truly shine.
I told him a couple of days ago that he wasn’t going to be going to school anymore. I gently wove it into several out-loud ponderings of mine. I tread lightly because he really loves school. He loves to learn, and he is at the top of his little kindergarten class, which he loves too (being first, that is). He heard my words, was still and quiet for a moment, and then said that it was a good idea. He has expressed the desire to go back and say goodbye to his classmates and teachers and that someday he’d like to go back to school. We’ll see. One step at a time.
Last week, in premonition fashion, I took him on an unschooling outing at a park that he loves. I explained that all the kids there (about 25) didn’t go to school. He said he felt sad for them. I explained to him that there are lots of ways to do things and that there isn’t one right way. Everybody is different and needs different things. He made some nice friends, whom he’ll see weekly.
So, today was the first day staying home for school on purpose. It was such a full and pleasant day. There were a couple of impatient moments on my part and a couple of snappy moments on his part, so all-in-all the moments evened themselves out.
He slept in this morning until about 8:30, which was glorious unto itself. He awoke at his own pace and made his way downstairs smiling and enthusiastic to start his day. He gobbled up some cereal and then headed to the basement to check on the workers doing the remodel. I didn’t hear from him for a while as I was preparing for the day, so I went to check on him. He was busy at work with the painters. He had the task of filling all the baseboard nail holes with putty. There was my 5-year-old working alongside 3 men, telling me in his I’m-very-proud-to-be-treated-like-an-adult very deep voice that he was working very hard and how tiring it was.
We went to my eye doctor, which was really challenging. I’m not used to having my son with me everywhere I go, and I strategically schedule all things to be done WITHOUT him. I was tempted to leave him with his dad, but I really want to shift my expectation that it’s so hard to go anywhere with him. I really want to have him with me, and I want him to KNOW that. BUT, it was indeed quite hard. His energy was spinning out of control in the doctor’s office. She said, “why don’t you send him to (blank) school. It’s for kids with autism and Asperger’s.” “Well, he doesn’t have autism or Asperger’s.” “He’s so intense like they are so it’d probably be good for him.” Hmmmm…yeah…well, she IS a good eye doctor. I talked with Jonathan about the importance of learning how to give mommy space when I’m having an appointment. It’s hard for him to share me. We went and had a fine time at the neighboring cafe, enjoying a drink and some gluten-free pumpkin bread. I felt happy to be able to flow with him, albeit still a little tense from the optometric debacle.
When we came home, there were some things I needed to tend to without interruption. Jonny played outside with his dogs for over an hour, which speaks to the fact that he was content today. I notice that when he feels like he’s getting good attention from me, even though he never wants it to end, he’ll actually play better on his own. He came in with a surprise for me. He gathered the long seed pods from the honey locust tree in the backyard and dug out the little brown seeds. He had them rolled up in the bottom of his shirt. He said he was going to plant them so we’d have more trees. We made a plan to go buy lots of bulbs to plant this week too.
Jonathan LOVES to be read to, and we’ve found out that even though he’s 5 and extremely active with an apparently non-existent attention span (which is totally not true, just the way it seems), he loves to listen to long, heady fiction written for young adults. He wanted to go to the library and get the entire book “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” by L. Frank Baum, not the kids’ version, but the real deal. So, we did, and it was really a great experience. We weren’t there for long because I’m aware of my own limits of tolerance that will definitely improve as we go on this journey together, but it was only Day 1, so I cut myself some slack! We played outside a spell until he fell backwards down a flight of flagstone stairs. Miraculously he was not hurt. Truly miraculous.
On our way home before karate, we had time to stop and indulge in some frozen yogurt. We sat together calmly for the duration of our treat, which was so nice and connecting. He was really proud to be together and kept thanking me and saying that he never wants to be apart. Then off to karate, where he earned 2 stripes on his belt. He loves karate and wants to go every day. They offer the Little Ninjas class 4 times a week, and he’s always there. They discourage being there every time because of the risk of burning out, but I truly don’t think that’s going to happen in our case. Jonathan literally craves the intensity, structure, discipline, and overall container that is provided by this class. It’s astounding to see his level of focus and respect to his instructors and classmates for that half hour. Often the transition away form there is really hard for him, resulting in significant behaviors, like today. It was a tough ride home, but we all survived. He chose to take a bath when we got home while I prepared dinner. After dinner, even though he was so tired, he went outside to play. He played with his dog until nearly 9:00, frequently bouncing in urging me to come out and see how the full moon changed in the sky and how the clouds were illuminated and moving. I was aware of my temptations to tell him that it’s bedtime (which is 7:00 on school nights), but I smiled and let it go. He played until he was too cold to play anymore.
We read the first 2 chapters in Oz. He wanted to keep reading, but I knew that it was time for our wonderfully full day to come to a close. This is our new life. There is time for discovery and exploration. As my husband and I shift and learn how to deprogram ourselves, there will be more space for acceptance, flowing, and shining. I am looking forward to tomorrow.
