My Daily Rind Journey of a Mom: Reflections on Health, Unschooling, and Love.

We had the first snow day of the year today. We got all bundled up and headed outside. Jonathan saw the neighbor shoveling her driveway, so he marched on over to give her a hand. She had an extra shovel, so he did his part. What a gorgeous day today. It just snowed and snowed all day long. It started in the middle of the night. I think we got about 8 inches or so. Jonathan wanted to learn to make a snowman. He likes to do things “the way they’re supposed to be done”; not much is left to chance or interpretation. So, I helped with shaping the body, and he did the rest on his own.

An angel makes his imprint.

Quan Yin's shroud.

I walked into the market and it was warm and sunny. When I walked out, it was gray and storming. This is how I feel lately.

I am 41 years old and I am in early menopause.

One night, about 21 years ago, my boyfriend and I flopped into bed after a long night of partying. As usual, he turned the thermostat dial all the way off. At about 2 in the morning we woke up suffocating. He had accidently turned the dial all the way to high in his post-party stupor. We felt like we were being incinerated. There was a feeling of panic, tearing off the covers, then scrambling to open every window and door. I ran out onto the back patio naked and pushed myself up against the sliding glass door to feel the cool surface on as much surface area of my body as possible. (sounds sexy, I know)

Friends, this is what a hot flash feels like to me. I am having these at regular intervals now. I measure the pentameter of hot flashes like I counted the minutes between labor contractions. As the flashes get closer together, Ifeel like I should be giving birth to some revolutionary idea or ingenious creative work born of the decades of experience as a maiden, then mother, now moving toward crone. Perhaps an enlightened song will burst forth or a channelled painting or a really awesome scrapbook page!

I’ve been reading a forum thread lately about continuing to shine through early menopause. I feel so disconnected as I read about women settling into the change with wisdom and peace, letting and loving the experience; being with it. Move into the next phase with grace, acceptance, love. Well, that would be all fine and good, but I haven’t even moved through my 30′s yet! I am still trying to put myself back together after being ripped to tiny shimmering pieces by the rewarding and heart-wrenching experience of motherhood. Now all of a sudden I am experience phenomenal changes in my body, and I feel like I have to hurry up and get wise, meditate effortlessly, and wear 4 shades of purple at once. One woman joyfully reported that she takes Prozac to get through it. Humph! Now we’re talking.

We are officially basement dwellers as of this afternoon. Our two pinball machines, The Shadow and World Poker Tour, arrived today. They are rumored to be the first in a growing collection and obsession… I mean passion. So, the nice playdate we had early afternoon with new friends pales in comparison to the excitement that these loud flashy techno-boxes provide. I must say, I do love seeing my son play pinball. There is no activity to be found in any classroom or on any playground that provides the level of training in eye-hand coordination, reaction speed, bilateral coordination, and focus that pinball provides. There are a multitude of other physical and cognitive benefits, to be sure. Yes, he’s up late tonight, but who can resist. It’s a pinball party in our basement! I needed a break to rest my wrists! Come over and play pinball with us; it’s on Free Play!

I had planned to write a synopsis of each day, but time really got away from me. I want to write about what we’re doing to keep a journal of sorts for myself, to let our distant families peek into our life, and to share with others interested in what a day in the life of an uschooling family looks like.

This week was so full. My mom and stepdad arrived on Monday and left on Friday. It was so great to see them, although there is a bittersweet side. My son was so excited to have them here, but he just doesn’t handle interacting with multiple people at the same time very well. He does NOT want to share anyone. Instead of just joyfully interacting with whomever is around, he becomes exceedingly mean and rude to push others away, I think. So, although it was so nice to have family here, it was also really hard with our son. He is very sensitive and is an energy sponge. Whenever I am feeling frustrated, he soaks that right up and gives it right back at me. Wow.

We did have some nice adventures, including a date night for my husband and I. I took my parents to Estes Park to hang out at a really cool rock shop that sits right by a pond where one can sit and feed the ducks while sipping a latte from the cafe across the path. We spent a couple of hours there enjoying the energy of the rocks. Jonathan picked a geode, which they cut open for him to reveal the crystal caves inside.

Friday night the three of us had a late night watching Halloween videos on YouTube and Tim Burton’s Nightmare Before Christmas. On Saturday, we went to Bat Encounter at the Denver Nature and Science Museum. We had been looking forward to that for weeks. We learned about bats and got to see 4 different live bats, including the world’s largest, fox bat, with a wingspan of 6 feet! I feel so blessed to live in this area which is full of exciting learning adventures just waiting to be had!

Today was a day of being at home, cleaning, playing, and reading. We finished The Wizard of Oz, and Jonathan is really excited to go to the library tomorrow and get a new book. He wants to get The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and more books on bats! What a joy to be able to read to him books that we all can enjoy as a family.

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Since they have been making high speed blenders for over 30 years you know that the Vitamix 5200 is quality. This is why having one is recommended for anyone interested in improving their health. It comes with a recipe book and instructional DVD to get you started on your journey. There are so many benefits to owning such a blender.

Since owning one, the overall health improvements of my entire family is apparent. I had no idea that I could do so much in just one singe kitchen appliance.

If you have been thinking about a a Vitamix 5200 now is the time to try one. They are so confident that you will love your blender that you can try it for 30 day in your home risk free. If for any reason you don’t think it’s worth it then you can return it for a full refund! Also don’t forget that it comes with the industry’s best warranty.

Started off doing a little better following my friend coming over and doing an essential oil blend treatment on it. However, by the end of the day, i.e. now, I’m in pain! My PT colleague, who is an ortho guy – loves knees, did an assessment on it and found it likely to be a flare up of the patella (knee cap) structure from degenerative changes. So, I’m sticking to a clean diet and got an MSM, chondroitin, and glucosamine blend. Continuing with ice and essential oils too. I have to admit that I ate a lot of dates today. I am weak for sugar. Dates are certainly better than SAD sugar, but sugar nonetheless. Tomorrow is another day. I will be juicing and having more green smoothie and we’ll see what else…

Take care of your body.

Love,

Shawna

That’s me creeping very cautiously from within the deep dark woods of cooked food addiction. I got lost in there. I left a trail of breadcrumbs to find my way back, but I gobbled them all up in a feeding frenzy!

I sit before you now, naked. That is more than raw. I haven’t even been able to come to this place and write to you because I’ve been that lost. I mentioned the birthday pizza on my last post. I have only recently returned to my senses. You see, for me, it’s been all or nothing. I am not committed to that being my reality, but I have yet to break free from that pattern. I don’t necessarily feel that being 100% raw is the end-all way to be. I don’t think it’s necessarily the very BEST way to eat for ALL people. It might be, but that’s not for me to say. What I do know is that cooked foods are so dangerous for me because they send me into an uncontrollable downward spiral of addiction (namely sugar) that literally RULES my every thought. It takes a lot for me to find my way back. And it’s painful. Yes, real physical pain. I suffer withdrawals that would make you wonder if I’m not addicted to something a little more hardcore than just sugar. We think of refined sugar as innocent and, well, sweet! It’s poison, dear friends! Don’t be fooled. I am here to attest to that and stand by that statement forever. It’s in everything we eat in this culture. And whaddya know? Look at the raging statistics for diabetes, just to name one.

Anyway, I’m explaining to you in a ranting sort of way why I haven’t been around for a while and what happened.

I sit here now with a very severely injured knee, for which I am determined to heal naturally with green juices and green smoothies. I know I can do this. Here’s a fact: Every single time I eat refined sugar, as well as some other “good” sugars, such as agave, honey, dates, I get BAD burning joint pain in my right shoulder, which had a rotator cuff tear about 10 years ago. What does this say?It’s not a coincidence. This is true. Now, rereading my earlier posts, I sounded quite wise talking about listening to and honoring my body. I’m going to take that advice again now.

I know I can heal my knee. I have to. I know I can heal my body and my addictions. I have to.

Please include me in your prayers and visualizations for optimal health.

Blessings on your path,

Shawna

I’m really struggling with honoring my body right now.

It all started with that piece of pizza on my husband’s birthday last week. I had a rough 4 days of craving cooked food and giving in a few times. I got back on track and instantly felt better.

Now we’re on vacation, and I am really struggling again. Yesterday was filled with SAD food AND beer. I don’t even drink! Today I’m back on track, but truth be told, I don’t want to be. I want to eat more barbecue with my family.

Part of this journey is clearly ACCEPTANCE. I know that. I struggle with being really hard on myself when my actions don’t match the image I hold of Me.

I’m learning how hung up I really am about gaining more weight. I’m with my mom and observing her, therefore me. You know what I mean? Our parents are mirrors for us. They ARE us. Observing my mom is a great tool for learning more about me and why I have some food issues, for example. She has them too. Go figure. So, by observing without judgment, I get the opportunity to put things in a different perspective and work through my patterns from a different place. Perhaps the place of origin. By the way, this isn’t an “it’s my parents’ fault” paragraph. I don’t believe in that. But I do believe that energetically we are tethered to our family lineage and the stories that come before us in our family line.

I’ll be doing some Hellinger work on August 8th for the first time to really move through some of this family stuff. I”m not sure what my constellation will be about. I thought I was going to do one to help process and move through the grief around my father and his illnesses. But maybe I’ll work through the lineage of my food story. It’s pretty fascinating!

For those of you who don’t know what Hellinger work is, stay tuned and soon I will provide a link to an information site. I don’t have one yet. The only reason I know of it is that my good friend is a practitioner. I’ve watched her transform herself and her family dynamics. Powerful!

Blessings to you all. Thanks for stopping by and checking up on me. I’ll write more regularly once I’m home from vacation.

Love,

Shawna

…because he threw up on me 4 times today. And, you know, it just doesn’t smell that bad.

I know, I know, gross way to get your attention.

We spent my sweetie’s birthday at Lake of the Woods by the lake swimming and picknicking. It was so fun, except for the part where my son became ill with fever. But he was such a trooper, nonetheless.

I had no intention whatsoever to eat cooked food today. It didn’t even sound good to me. But I did. And I’m paying for it now, unless it’s the bug my son clearly has. My dear sweetie really wanted to go out for a birthday dinner at this fabulous gourmet pizza place in Medford called Kaleidoscope. It’s a really cool place with a Grateful Dead theme. We used to eat there before now and again, but haven’t in years. I ordered a yummy salad. Then I had just one bite of his pizza slice, which led to my very own slice. I’m pretty sensitive now and I can feel that piece of pizza like a brick in my gut. My abdomen is huge right now and hurts! Not a pretty sight.

So the big test will be tomorrow, because 100% of the time that I’ve strayed from healthy raw vegan to unhealthy cooked (as opposed to healthy cooked, because I do believe some can be healthy), I have ended up with HUGE food cravings, namely sugar, with a VERY weak ability to say NO (if any ability at all). I will definitely keep you posted tomorrow about this.

I devoured:

• small glass coconut mylk
• raw cracker piled with tomato, cucumber, avo, cashew sundried tom spread
• 1 small and 1 big slice of banana-coconut cream pie (I made it for my sweetie for his birthday celebration. His fav!)
• big green salad with a dressing that clearly had sugar in it. I should have asked for it on the side or none at all.
• 1 slice of pizza (and a bite) – please don’t ask what was on it. I think you can pretty well surmise.
• some veggie tortilla chips (not raw) with salsa and guacamole.

My dear friend and devoted raw fooder, Arnold Kaufmann, with a passion larger than Manhattan for helping people heal themselves, always said to me that “no matter what you’re eating [or doing], do it with LOVE. That vibration is all that matters, ultimately.” He would go on to say that eating a slice of pizza with pure joy, love, honor, and reverence is a whole lot better than eating a salad with feelings of guilt, shoulds, lack, and regret.

I didn’t choose tonight’s meal with those words as my justification. But when I caught myself feeling bad for what I was doing, I heard my dear friend reminding me. I shared it with my husband, and we were able to really shift the energy and totally relish the experience instead of feeling naughty and bad. Our goal is to be of healthy mind, body, and spirit, regardless of what we’re doing or eating. It’s a heart space and an attitude.

All that being said, it IS my preference to continue eating a raw diet. Yes, tonight was enjoyable, but let’s face it, my sweetie and I are both bloated, full, headachey, and tired, if you catch my drift. He’s already asleep, which is a good thing, because I don’t think I could even give a proper hug right now, I’m so ill.

Okay, I’ll “see” you tomorrow.