We came home and Jonathan got to experience the tail-end of our neighbor’s 5^th birthday party. He got to have some great play time, eat cake, and wish his friend, Carissa, happy birthday. We played outside for a while in the dark, warm night. Now he’s been in the bath for close to two hours, such a GREAT way for him to end his day. I can hear him playing, working through some of the themes he is processing and releasing pent-up energy.

I feel my husband and I shifting, deprogramming, de-schooling, and relaxing into the idea of allowing our son to just be. To let him follow his own flow, instead of deciding what he should be doing and telling him what to do. It’s definitely a process, but we are in agreement and allowing it to happen! Yay!

Ingredients in the green smoothie we brought to share:

really ripe bananas (brown spots = sweet goodness)

pineapple

pear

apple

dates

kale

spinach

water

Back at the ranch, life was a bustle with some of the final basement touches happening – carpet and countertops! Very exciting. Jonathan and his dad went on a neighborhood adventure walk. I came home and played Beyblades for a couple of hours on the front lawn, followed by a much needed family nap to prepare for our big night out to Boulder Dinner Theater.

We saw the world premiere of Slow Dance With a Hot Pickup. Fabulous show. We all loved it. We talked to the artistic director of the theater after the show, and he offered Jonathan a part in the next production, Phantom. Jonathan sort of panicked and said he wasn’t going to go on stage, then he added, “Well…maybe when I’m 7 or 8….or 20.” Dang! That was his big chance. Michael said when he’s ready to go on stage, to give him a call. Oh, I will!

Today we stayed close and just sort of hung out. We went out for a treat after the school experience, then played together with his new Beyblades for a couple of hours. Karate was excellent and then we went out for pizza slices at our favorite place. We even got dessert. By the time the evening was upon us, we were back to ourselves, Jonny struggling with allowing me space, me desperately needing it; both of us cranky. We had a snuggly bedtime story and promptly fell asleep together. I got up later to get that space that I crave and to write this.

Following my appointment, I had to rush home and prepare for our big day out. First to his play therapy, then off to park day with the local unschooling group. He was pretty intensely emotional coming out of therapy, and this sensitivity continued on throughout the whole park day. He seemed small and fragile to me today. He was obviously struggling with finding his place in this large group of children who are mostly familiar with each other, having grown up meeting for unschooling adventures weekly. He was bossy, mean, tearful, laughing, playful, stingy…the whole gamut of interactive strategies. It can be painful as the mother to simply watch these dynamics, knowing that it likely won’t turn out in my son’s favor. He’s learning, though, and growing. He has a hard time making and keeping friends. He gets mad pretty easily and also gets his feelings hurt. The therapist says he is working through his attachment issues around nurturance and deprivation. This makes sense to me on several levels. Although I was always there for him and loved him so dearly, I was also detached, distant, struggling, angry, and depressed from the time he was born and many years after that. He got a lot of mixed messages around attachment and nurturance, which confused him, especially subconsciously. Now, he tends to gravitate to children who are quite aloof and indifferent toward him, vying for their attention and acceptance. He is drawn toward the bullying type of child, girl or boy. It’s painful to watch and difficult to hold space for his outbursts and anger toward me. But we are healing too, and this will help in the long run. For now, he struggles with relationships. He is only 5, so there is time.

I sit here in the wee hours of the night baking muffins for his farewell gathering at kindergarten tomorrow morning, reflecting on our day and the beautiful ray of sunshine that is my son. He is a very special child in so many ways. I am eager to hear how his evening was with his dad. I got to go out tonight to a gaming group nearby. It turned out I knew 4 people there! It was such a great time with lots of laughter, of which one can never get enough.

We met up with the local unschooling group for the weekly nature hike. For about 3 hours Jonathan played hard with about 7 other boys ranging from 5 to 11 years of age. There was a creek running along the trail, so the boys were having the time of their lives trying to control the flow of the water. I happily observed that this is the best kind of school. If anyone questions how a child gets “socialized” being home-schooled or how they learn to work with others, all they need to do is hang out with a group of boys at the water’s edge. For hours these kids planned, strategized, engineered, cooperated, delegated, and played at building a dam, moving enormous logs, throwing sticks at floating targets, and balancing on rocks to cross the flowing creek. I am not worried one bit about my son’s socialization.

He was utterly exhausted at the end of this adventure. We were driving home and he said that he’d like to make a visit to his school to say goodbye. I asked how he felt about it and he said, “I feel happy. I’m not sad at all, but I’d like to say goodbye.” So, we’ll bring some cupcakes and have a brief farewell. I think this is a good thing. He needs to have that closure.

We snuggled together on our floor camp for a couple hours watching a funny claymation show, while I snoozed. He played outside as the sun went down, and I made a nice salad for dinner. The three of us snuggled in bed and read four chapters in the exciting and adventurous Wonderful Wizard of Oz. It’s a nice feeling to end the day on such a happy and peaceful note. No rush or worry about getting to bed on time to catch the bus in the morning. Just a lot of love and gentle pace.

I told him a couple of days ago that he wasn’t going to be going to school anymore. I gently wove it into several out-loud ponderings of mine. I tread lightly because he really loves school. He loves to learn, and he is at the top of his little kindergarten class, which he loves too (being first, that is). He heard my words, was still and quiet for a moment, and then said that it was a good idea. He has expressed the desire to go back and say goodbye to his classmates and teachers and that someday he’d like to go back to school. We’ll see. One step at a time.

Last week, in premonition fashion, I took him on an unschooling outing at a park that he loves. I explained that all the kids there (about 25) didn’t go to school. He said he felt sad for them. I explained to him that there are lots of ways to do things and that there isn’t one right way. Everybody is different and needs different things. He made some nice friends, whom he’ll see weekly.

So, today was the first day staying home for school on purpose. It was such a full and pleasant day. There were a couple of impatient moments on my part and a couple of snappy moments on his part, so all-in-all the moments evened themselves out.

He slept in this morning until about 8:30, which was glorious unto itself. He awoke at his own pace and made his way downstairs smiling and enthusiastic to start his day. He gobbled up some cereal and then headed to the basement to check on the workers doing the remodel. I didn’t hear from him for a while as I was preparing for the day, so I went to check on him. He was busy at work with the painters. He had the task of filling all the baseboard nail holes with putty. There was my 5-year-old working alongside 3 men, telling me in his I’m-very-proud-to-be-treated-like-an-adult very deep voice that he was working very hard and how tiring it was.

We went to my eye doctor, which was really challenging. I’m not used to having my son with me everywhere I go, and I strategically schedule all things to be done WITHOUT him. I was tempted to leave him with his dad, but I really want to shift my expectation that it’s so hard to go anywhere with him. I really want to have him with me, and I want him to KNOW that. BUT, it was indeed quite hard. His energy was spinning out of control in the doctor’s office. She said, “why don’t you send him to (blank) school. It’s for kids with autism and Asperger’s.” “Well, he doesn’t have autism or Asperger’s.” “He’s so intense like they are so it’d probably be good for him.” Hmmmm…yeah…well, she IS a good eye doctor. I talked with Jonathan about the importance of learning how to give mommy space when I’m having an appointment. It’s hard for him to share me. We went and had a fine time at the neighboring cafe, enjoying a drink and some gluten-free pumpkin bread. I felt happy to be able to flow with him, albeit still a little tense from the optometric debacle.

When we came home, there were some things I needed to tend to without interruption. Jonny played outside with his dogs for over an hour, which speaks to the fact that he was content today. I notice that when he feels like he’s getting good attention from me, even though he never wants it to end, he’ll actually play better on his own. He came in with a surprise for me. He gathered the long seed pods from the honey locust tree in the backyard and dug out the little brown seeds. He had them rolled up in the bottom of his shirt. He said he was going to plant them so we’d have more trees. We made a plan to go buy lots of bulbs to plant this week too.

Jonathan LOVES to be read to, and we’ve found out that even though he’s 5 and extremely active with an apparently non-existent attention span (which is totally not true, just the way it seems), he loves to listen to long, heady fiction written for young adults. He wanted to go to the library and get the entire book “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” by L. Frank Baum, not the kids’ version, but the real deal. So, we did, and it was really a great experience. We weren’t there for long because I’m aware of my own limits of tolerance that will definitely improve as we go on this journey together, but it was only Day 1, so I cut myself some slack! We played outside a spell until he fell backwards down a flight of flagstone stairs. Miraculously he was not hurt. Truly miraculous.

On our way home before karate, we had time to stop and indulge in some frozen yogurt. We sat together calmly for the duration of our treat, which was so nice and connecting. He was really proud to be together and kept thanking me and saying that he never wants to be apart. Then off to karate, where he earned 2 stripes on his belt. He loves karate and wants to go every day. They offer the Little Ninjas class 4 times a week, and he’s always there. They discourage being there every time because of the risk of burning out, but I truly don’t think that’s going to happen in our case. Jonathan literally craves the intensity, structure, discipline, and overall container that is provided by this class. It’s astounding to see his level of focus and respect to his instructors and classmates for that half hour. Often the transition away form there is really hard for him, resulting in significant behaviors, like today. It was a tough ride home, but we all survived. He chose to take a bath when we got home while I prepared dinner. After dinner, even though he was so tired, he went outside to play. He played with his dog until nearly 9:00, frequently bouncing in urging me to come out and see how the full moon changed in the sky and how the clouds were illuminated and moving. I was aware of my temptations to tell him that it’s bedtime (which is 7:00 on school nights), but I smiled and let it go. He played until he was too cold to play anymore.

We read the first 2 chapters in Oz. He wanted to keep reading, but I knew that it was time for our wonderfully full day to come to a close. This is our new life. There is time for discovery and exploration. As my husband and I shift and learn how to deprogram ourselves, there will be more space for acceptance, flowing, and shining. I am looking forward to tomorrow.

Here’s what we do: we listen to him. He may not be able to articulate “I am feeling like I need more protein today,” but he does communicate with us exactly what he needs and wants. We pay close attention to him. For the most part, it is very easy. He has access to all fruits, veggies, nuts, and seeds. Because he doesn’t have any emotional story around food, he gravitates directly toward what his body is needing, without judgment or question. He will mono-eat (eat only one thing all day long) at times and will fast other times.

I feel like in this area, we are excellent parents. We step out of the way of our own food story from childhood imprinting and trust that his body knows.

One of the most important things to me as a parent is that I instill in my child to trust his body, his intuition, his inner wisdom. How can I apply that to only certain areas of life that are easy for me and not to others where I may have more fear lingering? All areas must be supported. So, I practice what I preach when it comes to food.

Now, it is my responsibility to provide nutritious possibilities, and I do that. There is no refined sugar in my home. You will not see packaged foods in my cupboards or in my freezer. Am I against these things? No, not at all. Will my son ever eat them? Most likely he will. So why are you only providing fresh stuff, why no sugar? Because I feel it is critical to be conscious of how I am imprinting him. He has his whole life to eat Halloween candy, meat and potatoes, Ben & Jerry’s, if he so chooses. I don’t hold judgment around those things. What I do know is this: If I start him out on those things, then he has no choice. He WILL be addicted and his body will continue to desire the chemicals in these products.

Also, it is my belief that with a clean diet (let’s call it that, because he’s not all raw all the time) he will be better supported to be able to listen to his body and his intuition. Then when he is considering his options in the face of candy and cakes, he will have the tools to consider if he wants to put that in his body, even if this is a subconscious consideration. I’m not fooling myself in thinking that at 6 he’ll be like, “No thank you, no cake for me, I don’t want to have a sugar rush and then crash and then feel really sluggish tomorrow and not be able to focus on writing my alphabet!” It’s a process like all things. I’ve always heard that we return to our roots.

I hear a lot of criticism about our lifestyle. I can go on and on about my theories around that. But I will only say this, that people are worried that the backlash of Jonny not eating candy, for instance, will be that he will go nuts and eat only that the first chance he gets. I highly doubt it for many reasons. But the main point is that Jonny is not forbidden anything. I have control at my home over what is available. However, at other people’s homes he sees it all. He has been offered it all. When he told me he wanted to have a piece of cake at a birthday party, I said “Sure, I’ll have some with you.” We trotted off to get cake together and ate it snuggled up on the chair. No big deal. Not a regular occurrence. A healthy and happy experience. I am casual, and I am aware of what a rigid stance can do to a child. I will redirect him or say no to something that I know has MSG in it or high fructose corn syrup, just as I will intervene if he tries to step into the street.

I welcome your questions and comments.

So much joy,

Shawna

This is what I heard this morning. Jonny wanted salad for breakfast. Here’s why, leading to a point…

Last night I did end up having that salad I wrote about. It was quite late and my son was still up (my fault, I’m confused by the sun setting at 9:30). He loves to higrate the cucumbers and avocado from my salad. I thought it would be fun to climb in bed for a salad picnic with him. Why not? Life is supposed to be fun. So there we were being cozy and having a salad in bed right before lights out. He was happily picking out all of my cucumbers, tomatoes, and olives this time. He ate around the mustard greens. This special and different time shared made him really happy and imprinted on him a positive experience. He was still beaming from that this morning and wanted to repeat it. He told me to make a salad and listed off: “greens, olives, cucumber, and tomatoes”. As a special surprise I added his two favorites: mushrooms and avocado. We snuggled on the couch (the other forbidden food zone) and ate out of the bowl together. Again, he avoided the mustard greens, but joyfully ate everything else.

I really like living like this. We have a lot of rules, which are obviously important, but sometimes it’s so fun and crucial to just let down our guard and have fun; be silly.

But that’s not the point of this story.

I want to share about something much more important: listening to our children. For the purpose of this blog, I’m referring to the context of food and nutrition. This will be the first of many posts on this topic.

I truly believe that our bodies are infinitely wise and divine. I believe this, and in my journey Home to my Self, I am learning to listen to my body and be still for a moment. I mentioned this in a previous post. So, if I believe that our bodies are wise, doesn’t this apply to children also? They have bodies. Why is it then that we so urgently impose onto our children an adult diet, so to speak? Why do we force them to sit and eat 3 meals a day? Why can’t they fast if they want to for a day? Because we believe we are doing the right thing. We care about our children and we are carrying forward what we have learned about nutrition from our parents. We are doing what we know.

But what if they were wrong? What if we truly listened to our children’s dietary needs from a relaxed, open standpoint? What would that look like? Would they eat only candy? Would they never drink water? Would they eat salad for breakfast?

I cannot count how many times I hear from mothers, “I wish my child wouldn’t eat so much sugar!” This is just one example of a phrase I hear regarding food and kids. I have to respond that our children are eating what we give them. That’s the truth. If we don’t have sugar around and we model healthy habits (in bed under the covers with a flashlight and a big bowl of sliced bananas and cherries – hey, that sounds fun!), then our children will follow suit. That’s what they do.

Here is my mission and my commitment: My intention is to lovingly remind and encourage mothers and fathers  to take back the power of their children’s health and nutrition. To empower us all to nourish our families being guided by our deepest knowing of what our spirit is telling us is right. To educate ourselves about nutrition and take responsibility for it.

This is too important to not worry about. Look around you at the youth of today. Children are obese everywhere we look and malnourished. Children have adult-onset diseases. Read that again: adult-onset diseases.

I am not saying that a paradigm shift in our kitchen is easy, but what I am saying is that it’s worth it. There are a bazillion resources on the internet to give support along the way. We always say that it takes a village to raise a child. I always say that it takes a village to raise a parent.

More to come on this with some fun stories of what we do with Jonny.

Have a beautiful day!

Shawna