I walked into the market and it was warm and sunny. When I walked out, it was gray and storming. This is how I feel lately.
I am 41 years old and I am in early menopause.
One night, about 21 years ago, my boyfriend and I flopped into bed after a long night of partying. As usual, he turned the thermostat dial all the way off. At about 2 in the morning we woke up suffocating. He had accidently turned the dial all the way to high in his post-party stupor. We felt like we were being incinerated. There was a feeling of panic, tearing off the covers, then scrambling to open every window and door. I ran out onto the back patio naked and pushed myself up against the sliding glass door to feel the cool surface on as much surface area of my body as possible. (sounds sexy, I know)
Friends, this is what a hot flash feels like to me. I am having these at regular intervals now. I measure the pentameter of hot flashes like I counted the minutes between labor contractions. As the flashes get closer together, Ifeel like I should be giving birth to some revolutionary idea or ingenious creative work born of the decades of experience as a maiden, then mother, now moving toward crone. Perhaps an enlightened song will burst forth or a channelled painting or a really awesome scrapbook page!
I’ve been reading a forum thread lately about continuing to shine through early menopause. I feel so disconnected as I read about women settling into the change with wisdom and peace, letting and loving the experience; being with it. Move into the next phase with grace, acceptance, love. Well, that would be all fine and good, but I haven’t even moved through my 30′s yet! I am still trying to put myself back together after being ripped to tiny shimmering pieces by the rewarding and heart-wrenching experience of motherhood. Now all of a sudden I am experience phenomenal changes in my body, and I feel like I have to hurry up and get wise, meditate effortlessly, and wear 4 shades of purple at once. One woman joyfully reported that she takes Prozac to get through it. Humph! Now we’re talking.