I’ve been listening to Eckhart Tolle’s, A New Earth, on tape in my car. The ideas put forth in that book are literally transforming my life in many ways. One of the things that he talks about is over-identification with our roles (i.e. mother, father, husband, doctor, caregiver, etc.) and how that leads to more disconnect from who we truly are because we’re stuck in the story of that role. These are my words, by the way, trying to relate the essence of this complex topic. When we identify so strongly with a role, the DOING-ness associated with that identity replaces the BEING-ness of who we really are. Our egos have a lot at stake in defending their position as the role itself.
Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and want to posit this idea: having an illness is a role too and so easily becomes all-consuming; thus resulting in an over-identification with this role as the diseased person. When we own it in that way, it becomes the majority of the sum total of who we are. How often do we “suddenly understand” who a person is when we hear their title as “cancer survivor” or “he has AIDS“. Our human mind, overly identifying with our own story in relation to these example titles, instantly applies a film of false knowing over who that person is. We no longer see that person as the divine I Am presence behind the experience, but we see the experience and mistake it for Who that person Is.
How often do we do this in our own lives? What roles related to our health and wellness are we identified with in such a way that we literally forget the essence of who we are? We become so accustomed to our dis-ease that we will cling to it for dear life, passively defending it’s existence by our lifestyle choices, all the while crying out in agony for help. Because, after all, that’s part of the role, isn’t it?
Dare I say that it can be comfortable and convenient to live in our familiar story year after year after year… I have done this for so long with my weight, for example. I started being unhealthily overweight when I was in my early 30′s. I am 38 now, so for several years, I have been truly suffering and struggling. However, the idea of facing it and dealing with it has been much more daunting, terrifying, and uncomfortable than just being fat and complaining about it. Now, my overweightness, so to speak, manifested around 30, but my eating disorder and food obsession story began decades earlier. I see now, as I’ve been reflecting on Tolle’s ideas, that I learned a story, placed myself in the starring role, believed in every line, and began to shape my life in a way that would support this identity, no matter how dysfunctional or unhealthy. You see, the universe will provide us with everything we set our attention on. What we think about, we bring about.
So, what if the starting point for our healing, regardless of our treatment approach, was the recognition of how the dis-ease we’re dealing with has become the focus of who we think we are? What if we were able to unplug our soul identity from the experience of the problem? Is it possible to honor a “condition” as an experience in our life that ultimately serves to teach us, and maybe others, something that is necessary for our spiritual evolution? I’m not suggesting that all we have to do is shift our thinking and “poof” we’re cured. But, could that be a start? Maybe the dis-ease wouldn’t go right away, but I believe the experience around it might shift. Maybe it would go away.
I work as an occupational therapist with people in their homes, and I have a physically disabled father with multiple sclerosis. I see a lot in my line of work and in my personal life. I deal with people’s stories every single day. These musings that I’ve tried to gingerly share with you are being contemplated daily, as I journey with people through their dis-ease. I see patterns; some are diagnosis-specific. I see commonalities among the people I serve, and I can’t help but to wonder…
In case you still care, here is what I ate today:
- a green smoothie for breakfast
- seaweed salad
- coleslaw
- apple
- more green smoothie
- a couple of Bliss Balls
- a big slice of raw coconut cream pie
- pineapple
- watermelon
Thank you for reading. I welcome your thoughts.
Love,
Shawna